Hmmm...

23 Year Old Girl Patient: And I got really anxious, and I started panicing, and I couldn't get myself to drive to my appointment with my psychiatrist because I had too many thoughts of just wanting to drive my car off the road and die... So I called a cab... And the cab driver knew what building I was going to (the psych building) and he told me that he was taking Zoloft and he was suprised that his doctor let him drive cab because I've told him that sometimes I have the feeling that I just want to drive the cab off the road.

Alcoholic Gay Patient I decided after I got HIV that I no longer wanted to pursue any relationships so I decided to do an observership at the monistary to decide if I want to become a monk.

Patient with 21 easily visable piercings and slices all over his arms that required stitches from cutting himself: I'm not f^@%ing crazy, I'm not going to f^@%ing hurt myself. I don't f^@%ing know why I cut myself. I don't need to go back to treatment. I quit f^@%ing drinking, I only use meth sometimes... alcohol's my drug of choice, and I quit that. Meth and morphine, I still use those, but they're not my drug of choice so I can quit using those myself. I'm NOT going back to treatment, I don't need it.

51 year old woman: But I'm so OLD! I'm 51! And that means I'll be 60 soon, and then 70, and then 80! And I'm getting bags under my eyes, and my boobs are getting saggy, and I'm getting wrinkles, and my butt is sagging... I'm OLD!

Contentment

"Contentment is being okay with something (or a lot of things) you're not okay with. It's being satisfied with what you have. It's the ability to open up wide and swallow whole the lot life has given you... Contentment is being able to laugh with a friend when her fiance throws out all of the pew bows who stayed up until 3 a.m. making. It's being close enough to hear those stories, rather than avoiding the details and showing up at the wedding as though it were a pulling-off-a-Band-Aid experience. Contentment is a Friday-night sigh of relief to be home alone. It's being able to enjoy a niece's baby shower, a friend's new house, a brother's successful business. It's a security in who you are that enables you to experience the compounded joy of friends' triumphs. It's the ability to look peacefully at the future. Contentment is beauty. People who are content radiate peace, a warm acceptance of life, and love and concern for others... Each day, I have to choose contentment. And for the big things in life, I'm going to have to choose it again and again and again."

Portions from The Single Truth Chapter 6 by Lori Smith

This is what I've been working on. Some days I feel that I'm doing well at this... Other days I feel like I'm not there at all. But these words match what I'm going through. It was awesome to read this tonight.

Talking

I talk too much. Anyone that knows me knows that I talk too much. The first time I remember anyone confronting me, in a friendly way, about it was either junior or senior year of high school at lunch. My friend Katie pointed out to me that I talked way more than I listened. And I had a habbit of interrupting other people. I put her and a couple others in charge of telling me when I needed to stop talking. Then I went to college. The first two years I don't think I was as bad about talking all the time. I think that was because I didn't have any friends at college, and as much as I thought I was outgoing, I kind of became shy and reserved for a year or two there. I was afraid of not being accepted. When I finally opened up... the talking all spilled out agian. I talk way too much. And I don't stop. And sometimes I neglect to think before I talk, and I have a foot-in-mouth experience. Sometimes I just ramble about nothing. I need someone to hold me accountable for my talking. I need to think before I speak. I need to listen more than I speak. I need to listen to others and find out what's happening in their lives before I decide to tell them what's going on in mine. Some days I feel I do a good job at that. Many more days I fail. If I'm ever talking to you, and I'm not listening, or I'm telling you the same story for the fifteenth time... please, nicely, point out to me what I'm doing. I know to a point that this is how God made me... but to another point, I don't need to talk as much as I do. This I need to change.

Yay

Yesterday I went to church with a friend of a friend, Jared. I met him through my good friends Rose & Korey. Three years ago when Rose & Korey got married I was the Maid of Honor and Jared at the Best Man. Fun times. Anyway... he lives down here in Rochester (down if you live in MN that is)... and I finally called him up to see if I could check out his church with him. I should have done this a few weeks ago. He is a fun guy to hang out with and he has an awesome Christian Singles group at church. I went out to lunch with about 20 of them after church and it was so fun. It reminded me that even though I don't have a lot of single Christian friends around anymore... they're still out there, and they're not 19. So, when I finally get around to settling down somewhere, hopefully I can find me a group like that to hang out with. Not that I don't love my married friends or my friends that do no consider themselves to be Christians... but there's something about having a group like that, I need that. Next year hopefully. :) Oh yes, and Jared brought me to my first ever Fleet Farm because I told him that although I have probably 50 various colors of Fleet Farm shirts from 4-H, I had never actually been to a Fleet Farm. Jared describes Fleet Farm as a "man's version of Walmart." I think it fits. Thanks for a good day yesterday Jared. :)

Memories...

Cold fall air... the smell of bus exhaust... can only mean one thing... cross country ski season is on the verge of starting. It's amazing how crisp cold air and bus exhaust reminds me of skiing. But it totally does. I miss skiing...

My first picture of skiing:

Highlights of the day

A Vietnamese man with schitzoaffective disorder shoved a dollar bill in the power outlet in the wall. When asked why he did it. He said he was paying for his stay at the hospital. When back in the conference room... someone made a comment that he probably wanted to know if the bed shook if he put money in the wall.

A patient that came in on a drug overdose (apparently she's a frequent flyer to the psych unit)... she's on a drug called Diavan that is not commonly used, so someone asked "what's this Diavan she's on?"... the supervising physician says "That's what she'll be taking the the morgue when she succeeds at killing herself... get it, the Die-A-Van!"

Wow, were we in a sarcastic mood that day. I know it probably sounds horrible... but seriously, nothing like that is said in front of patients... and you really need something to joke about sometimes, it gets depressing in there otherwise.

Too bad huh?

Last night after I left two interesting guys were admitted to my floor. Too bad they're on the other team so I don't get to see them. I have nobody this interesting in my group, nor have I had anyone this interesting yet...

Guy #1 - Pale white guy, believes he is Bill Cosby's illegitimate son.

Guy #2 - Believes he is one of 23 kings of something or other, and that he has something to do with the apocalypse.

Why are my patients not that interesting?

Push-up underpants...

A little over a month ago when I was shopping with my mom we were in an underwear store, and I saw a catalog and was looking at it, and inside there were padded underpands. As if people want a larger butt? Want a larger one enough to buy padded underpants? I thought it was just random in a catalog and it wasn't anything I'd ever see otherwise. It was a crazy idea. But... yesterday when I got home from a long day at the hospital, I flipped on the TV and was suprised to see a commercial for push-up underpants. Like a push-up bra, but for your butt. WHY??? I just don't understand. I mean, I'm not stick thin, but I'm far from overweight, and I like my butt to be curvy enough for some shape, but I don't need any help in that respect. And most women in this country are larger and curvier than I am... so I don't understand why these types of underpants are in demand. What has J-lo done to us? Made us want a bigger butt besides bigger boobs?

Is that psychotic?

So... I've been having this issue going through my head for the last couple weeks... When interviewing a patient that has audible hallucinations (aka, hears voices) one of the questions that some of the psychiatrists ask is if the patient hears God talk to them. Now, is that necessairly a psychotic thing? I mean, I recognize that people do hear voices that are not there. But, if someone hears God talk to them, is that psychotic? I've never actually heard God audibly talk to me. But I know a few people that say they have audibly heard God's voice once or twice. And it is Biblical that God does audibly talk to people sometimes. So, are these questions actually for diagnosis? Or are they somehow aimed at making Christians sound crazy? I just, I don't want to minimize psychotic symptoms... but what if these people aren't psychotic and God really does audibly talk to them. And if sometime it is psychotic, and sometimes it really is God, how do you distinguish the difference? I don't know... that's what I've been thinking about lately.

Writing...

I am not gifted with the ability to tell good stories. Nor am I gifted with the ability to write creatively. I've been thinking about this recently when I've been wanting to tell stories on here. I just can't turn my daliy experiences into creative stories for you to read. My friend Heather does this wonderfully. Her blog tells of her daily adventures in wonderful laugh out loud ways. Check it out if you want: www.heatherannland.com. And, I'm currently reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Awesome book. It's one of the most can't put it down books I've read in a long time. He's a great writer, conveying his real-life into amazingly interesting stories. That's my comment of the day.

Hiking trail huh?

I went hiking today at Forestville/Mystery Cave State Park... it was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Wonderful day for a hike. Awesome colors. Awesome weather. So, don't get me wrong, I had a great day, I'm not complaining... just telling a story...

So, this is a very horse-friendly state park, most trails are combo horse and hiking trails. Or, so they stay. I saw very few other hikiers. And I soon figured out why. There's creeks all over, and no bridges, or even planks. The first one I came to wasn't so bad, but these cement things were very slimy.



So, not feeling like going "splash" in the creek while holding my phone and camera... I found myself a handy-dandy hiking skick which helped me with my balance very well.



But... this proved to be the easiest, dryest crossing of the day. I knew I was going to get wet when I cam across this...



I got wet halfway up to my knees. Waterproof boots = good if you're only ankle deep... deeper than that, they don't help much. The sights were totally worth getting wet for... but I DO think that those maps should have a warning that if you follow those trails... you'll get wet if you want to get to the end. The horses take their riders through... but us hikers... we get wet ourselves. At least warn us. I probably would have still done it... But I would have liked a warning.

Jessica

My friend Jessica turned 24 this week. A few weeks ago it was pointed out to me by the woman who called me as a reference for a new job Jessica was applying for... that we have known eachother for 18 years. 18 years. There is nobody except my family I have known that long except for Jessica. We haven't lived in the same place since high school. Me in Duluth, her in the twin cities. Then I went to Philly, and Jess is now married and moved to Louisianna in August (I know, good timing right?) but we've stayed friends that long. Craziness. Well, Jess, I wish you a happy 24th year!

Men...

Last night I mentioned to my dad that a bald guy checked me out and that made me feel old. He told me about my great-grandpa... my great-grandpa used to say, "When I was 20, I had all the girls under 20 to look at... When I was 30, I had all the girls under 30 to look at... When I was 60, I had all the girls under 60 to look at. As I get older, there's just more girls to look at!" Men...

sigh...

So far... today... not so exciting. The most exciting part of my day was watching a depressed grown man sob uncontrollably. And I looked up alternative headache treatments. Yay. Tonight I'm going to Culvers and to watch Murderball. Maybe that will be more exciting. :)

Naked OD Guy

Today I had the joy of admiting a guy who, when coming into our unit, stripped and started pounding loudly on the wall. Which, landed him in the seclusion room and got him a lot of sedatives. I later learned how hard it is to get a medical history from a guy who is heavily sedated. Besides the fact that he was majorly depressed and 2 days ago attempted to kill himself by ODing on a whole lot of mixed medications. Yay. He was fun. Today I also admitted a paranoid schitzophrenic alcoholic. Interesting people they are. Never a boring day.

Adventures at the hospital

I'm hoping to post an exciting or interesting story from the hospital each day... but so far, I haven't had too many exciting things going on. My most interesting patient so far is this Vietnameese man who hears voices, but they're plesant voices, they sing to him. And he sees dead spirits in his room. He also plays imagination games in "paradise" with these dead spirits. Hmmm...

On another note... a girl in my class, Kelly, had the pleasure of actually cutting a guys balls off today. (he had cancer, so it was for his health... but still)

Medical Students go as crazy as PA students do!!!

I just came across this Med Student's Blog... I read a couple entries and I just had to share it with you... especially anyone else in the medical community...

http://ahyesmedschool.blogspot.com/

HAPPY PA WEEK TO US!!!

Queens Bluff

Great River Bluffs - Ocotber 8, 2005

Taking in the beauty

A sampling of my pictures from Great River Bluffs State Park on Saturday... colors wern't as great as I hoped, so I'll have to go on another adventure this next weekend.

New Location

Hey all! I think this is a much better blogging site than what I have been using... so from now on, here will be where I post! I hope all is well for everyone out there.